Santa and Sons and Daughter

THE WORST CHRISTMAS movies EVER!

Tonight: Santa and Sons and Daughter

Sorry this was late, been a busy few days. I could cut this all short, but there are still several movies on the list I want to do, so I am invoking the 12 days of Christmas, which means Christmas doesn’t end until January 6th. So yay! Deadline extension!

On to the review!

So this movie was watched in 2 sittings. We started it on Sunday and I called it about an hour in because I needed to go to sleep. Or something. Today we finally had some time to finish off this movie.

Yeah. . . there was some very good reasons we didn’t jump right back into the show.

So Santa, due to modern times and population boom, has become incorporated and works with his sons(and daughter) to advance the operation. However, an evil businessman named Snavely tricks one of Santa’s sons into signing a contract granting him full ownership of Santa’s likeness and operations, unless Santa pays him 20 Billion dollars. In the fine print obviously.

Snavely, being corrupt large and small, is also trying to evict an inventor named Zwerking(everyone mishears it as Working, for jokes) who is trying to make a videogame called the Santa-Matic. The game requires a special chip that Snavely’s company makes to work. Santa pulls a solid and gives them the chip. The game eventually works. It has no impact on the plot.

Santa’s Daughter visits Zwerking to assist with the chip problem and finds out that Zwerking has also invented a teleporter and disintegrator(which was supposed to be a second version of the teleporter). BUT THE INVENTION THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO PREVENT HIS EVICTION WAS THE VIDEO GAME!

So Santa’s Daughter falls in love with Zwerking and vice versa. Over the period of a few days. Oh and he also proposes. And she accepts. After having only met a few days ago.

Oh by the way, Santa’s daughter is over 500 years old. And this is the first non-elf male she has met that is not family.

So Santa’s eldest son takes Zwerking to see Snavely using Santa’s Sleigh and his “Invisible Reindeer”. I’m never quite sure whether the Reindeer are actually invisible or if there are no reindeer and the Son is just messing with him. There are conflicting signs. Either way, when they take off, Zwerking’s son and an elf stow away in back.

While Zwerking and SantaSon try to talk to Snavely, the elf and Zwerking’s son get out of the sleigh and break the teleporter somehow. They fix it with gum. However, when Zwerking and SantaSon return to the sleigh, the boys decide not to get back in and let them fly away.

Snavely and his mother get into a helicopter and try to follow Santa’s Sleigh, but Snavely’s mother sees Zwerking’s son and the elf about to be attacked by the invisible mountain lions from Birdemic and decides to save them. Snavely decides to kidnap the boy and elf and steal the teleporter. Snavely also ended up stealing the disintegrator.

So Snavely changes into NegaSanta and storms the North Pole. Santa comes out to fight Snavely Claus. Snavely uses the disintegrator on Santa and Santa. . . INVOKES THE POWER OF ODIN TO UNDO SNAVELY’S SOUL?!? Did this just become the awesomest of Christmas movies?!?

Nope, it is stupid. Snavely has most of his essence wiped away, and now because of all the delays, everyone has to chip in and help deliver presents. The end.

This movie is stupid. It has cheap effects, terrible actors, a nonsense plot that goes nowhere, and to make this even worse, it’s a musical! All the songs suck and you are just waiting for them to freaking END!

Spare yourselves. Get drunk on eggnog and pass not this way again.

Tomorrow: I’m going to be celebrating Christmas with my family(due to schedules, we had to delay our gift exchange) so I will be granting them the choice of a holiday mangling of a beloved series, or a live action mangling of a beloved cartoon.

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