Spider-man: Far From Home (2019)

This Week: Spider-man: Far From Home (2019)

So we now have 5 movies with Tom Holland as Spider-man and I have to say, this is the one that finally opens him up as Spider-man.

Civil War was great when he took down Sam and Bucky, but since then we have largely seen Spider-man just sort of get by. Homecoming saw him get dragged all over creation by the Vulture and his gang. Infinity War and Endgame he basically was side fiddle to EVERYONE else in the Marvel universe and he was basically just a kid going along for the ride.

This movie has Spider-man finally coming into his own as a hero. And we finally get the high flying webslinging that we’ve been strategically avoiding because apparently people were sick of it with Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield?

Do people just not like Spider-man being Spider-man? Do we really just want a kid who is over his head? Cause that is not the lesson I thought we learned from Into the Spider-verse.

Anywho, yeah, this movie is great, but I do need to talk about some stuff, that is Spoilery, so. . .

So, everyone who knows anything about the comics, cartoon, video games, or general history of Mysterio, get your best shocked Pikachu faces ready.

This is a major one.

That’s why I waited so long to post this, because I didn’t want to ruin this big spoiler with my lame blog.

It has nothing to do with basic laziness. It is Vigilance.

Okay, enough buffer. Are you ready?

(Clears throat)

Mysterio is the villain of the movie!

And he’s lying about the multiverse!

And the elementals aren’t real!

I know right?!? Mind blown!

So yeah, apparently it was a REALLY long con in order to get Peter Parker to hand over control of the Stark Satellites which include thousands of murder drones.

You know what Tony, stop handing murder tech to a high schooler. They just aren’t ready for that sort of thing.

So yeah, once Peter buys into Mysterio being the best man to inherit Stark’s satellites and murder drones, Mysterio goes into a long winded speech about his motivations and how his Team managed to pull off this endeavor. Specifically spelling it all out to his team. Which is just out of nowhere and oddly put in.

The rest of the movie is great and makes perfect sense why everything is happening and why things are being done that way. This scene is just weird and forced. Yes it is necessary to spell out why everyone is doing what they are doing and how they are pulling it off, but it needed to go back to formula.

(Speaking of forced. . .)

Okay fine I’ll stop.

One thing that is ACTUALLY kind of surprising is that Nick Fury isn’t Nick Fury.

It works on two levels, cause I said I would stop and then I didn’t.

It was mentioned early on that Numan Acar was cast as “Dimitri.” Well, in the comics, one of the Dimitri’s we know in relation to Spider-man is Dimitri Smerdyakov, also known as The Chameleon! Which would explain why Nick Fury so easily buys into Mysterio’s BS story. Because he’s IN ON IT!

However, turns out Dimitri is just a guy. Nick Fury buys into the story because he doesn’t have the same BS radar that the real Nick Fury has. Nick Fury in this movie is A SKRULL! And the real Fury is IN SPAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!

Oh and there is an important mid credits scene that I won’t spoil.

As I said, this movie was great and it is what I wanted from Spider-man for a while. I highly recommend it!

Next Week: StuberCrawl. Stu is an Uber Driver who now has to drive around Alligators in a Florida Hurricane.

Yesterday (2019)

This Week: Yesterday (2019)

Saw Yesterday, Today.

This is an interesting movie. It revolves around the idea that the Beatles and their songs are wiped out of history and only one person, Jack, remembers them at all. Jack then starts releasing their songs as his own and attains worldwide fame as the greatest songwriter of all time.

This is an interesting movie for me to review. I have never really been a huge fan of the Beatles. Hell, for the longest time I thought they were the Beetles, because I didn’t know the pun.

However, I never realized how many freaking Beatles songs I knew until I saw Across the Universe. I kind of had to have it pointed out to me that all the songs in that movie were Beatles songs.

To me, The Beatles were a default band. If you said your favorite band is the Beatles, then you are just going with the safe answer. Like saying your favorite author is Stephen King. Then of course I actually started READING Stephen King and I owe him an apology letter.

This movie actually handles the whole situation realistically. The only reason Jack is able to capitalize on the success on the Beatles is because he already is a songwriter in his own right. Nobody comes to his shows and he is about to quit. When Jack is the only one who remembers the Beatles, he does know how to write and play songs, so he is able to bring them back. However, he does have difficulty remembering the songs and lyrics. Jack also doesn’t immediately take off. He still is playing several shows and almost gives up again due to seeming lack of interest.

Now the question the movie kind of glosses over is whether the Beatles songs, if released today, would be hits. The movie just kind of takes it as a given. Doesn’t matter who sings them. The movie makes a point of demonstrating that the marketing today and marketing music back during the Beatles original rise is very different.

Where the Beatles had full creative control most of the time and got to choose their albums and look, now the music industry has more say in how to market everything.

I’m not necessarily sold on the idea that the songs of the Beatles would be instantly popular today and seen as the “greatest of all time” from the gate. I like Beatles songs fine, but they are very much products of their time. The reason they were successful is because they were reinventing the medium at the time. Hell, the Beatles were edgy. So were the Simpsons. Now both are fairly tame in retrospect.

Do I think that they would be successful? Yes. Take over the world of music? No. I would see them on the same level as Ed Sheeran. Which is more a presence on the pop charts and not dominating the world of music. But then again, I am not a music reviewer, I leave that to Metalloud, ToddintheShadows, and theNeedledrop. That’s just my opinion on how the Beatles would fair today.

Now, there are some things I want to address, but this gets into Spoiler territory, so. . .

So this whole thing stems from all the power in the world going down for about 12 seconds. This is not just things tied to electrical grids, but the lights on vehicles and other battery operated devices also go dark. At the very moment this happens, Jack gets hit by a bus.

When Jack comes to, the Beatles are history- or no longer history, whatever I mean. But several other popular things such as cigarettes no longer exist. I could provide a list, but I figure it is more enjoyable to let them play out.

So main character is in an accident, and when he wakes up, the world is drastically altered. So this movie is all a dream, right?

Wrong. Trope subverted. Somebody snapped the Infinity Gauntlet, wished several things out of existence, and only one(or three) people know about it. As of yet, no one is undoing it, so this is reality.

The movie doesn’t end with Jack waking up and learning the lesson from his dream. Honestly, that was what I was expecting the WHOLE movie. So when the credits started rolling, it was interesting to see that they never went back to the Beatles world.

However, this in turn raises a few questions. For one, what caused all this? What caused the Blackout that wiped out The Beatles and a bunch of other stuff?

Why was Jack and the other two people able to remember everything? Were they ALSO in accidents when the power went out? How many people still know, but just don’t care about the Beatles, so didn’t confront Jack?

What are the rules of this world? Why are things gone now?

Anywho, I think this is pretty good movie. I don’t think it will blow up the box office or win any oscars, but it’s a good film, none the less.

Next Week: Spider-Man: Far From Home. This will be my first proper midnight movie inva LONG time. Gonna suck that I work that day, but oh well.

The Bride of Frankenstein (1935)

Originally Published on October 5th, 2017

TONIGHT ON TEMPLARKNIGHT MEETS THE UNIVERSAL MONSTERS:

THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935)

This is where all the titles of movies supposedly got silly. Instead of going “Frankenstein 2: Electric Boogaloo” we get the Bride of, the Son Of, the Second Cousin Twice Removed of, etc.

However, many critics claim that this film is supposed to be even superior to the original.

My view. . .I agree to an extent. They did seem to do more with the story and were able to have more solid effects and make up. I think it was weird having the Monster suddenly being taught drinking and smoking and such.

There was a real jump the shark moment with the little people in jars. That just broke me for a while where I could barely grasp what I was seeing.

Colin Clive didn’t quite get the same amazing dialogue as he did in the last film, but he still did fairly well. Dr. Pretorius was the scene stealer this time with just bat shit crazy lines and mannerisms.

My notes during the film:

-Karloff get’s main billing this time! No question mark for you.

-Yay! Colin Clive is back!

-the Monsters Mate . . .? Are you trying to suggest the ending?

-Wow. . .oh okay, I thought Henry Frankenstein got VERY foppish. We just went Meta!

-Going super meta for “Previously on Frankenstein”

-My god, Byron is too much.

-OH SHIT! IT’S THE SCREAMING WOMAN FROM THE INVISIBLE MAN!

-“No riots! no Riots!” Yeah, fine speech to give AFTER the angry mob burns down a windmill.

-yeah, dumbass, walks into a burning wind mill.

-YOU’LL FLOAT TOO! Now to go up and drown the mother, go for the hat trick.

-AND HE DID IT, THE GOD DAMN MAD MAN!

-Hysterical Screaming woman is Screaming Hysterically.

-Does Elizabeth look different to you?(Shh!)

-Well, they don’t believe me, off to London to open the Lion’s Head, hope they all die!

-One more hysterical scream for the road!

-LISTEN TO HER, SHE HAS THE SHINE!

-Okay, so I guess Hysterical Screaming Woman is not shunting off just yet.

-Really? THIS GUY (Dr. Pretorius) doesn’t get a Hysterical Scream?

-No GIRLS ALLOWED!

-So, how many people ARE out there just creating monsters from dead tissue?

-Uh. . .don’t accept drinks from crazy monologuers.

-Wha. . . Dr. Frankenstein and the Little People?!?

-I don’t think I can process this. . .

-Tiny Mermaid?

-Dr. Pretorius My problem has been

-Dr. Frankenstein is like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT DRINK?!?”

-“This isn’t science!” YOU GOT THAT FUCKING RIGHT!

-i grew tiny tiny people.

-Yeah, do not go with this man, choose science.

-Let’s make a woman to a monster we presume dead. Why?!?

-What is the monster eating?

-Oh no she fell! Alright let me show you my floating technique.

-Hand based CPR

-GUYS! MONSTERS STILL ALIVE! LET’S GET THE MOB BACK TOGETHER! For old time’s sake!

-Kill two men with one boulder!

-Wow, chasing down a monster is exhausting work.

-Hysterical Screaming Woman:“I’ll bind him!” After he’s already been bound.

-Now he can stand trial! You know, after we tried to straight up murder him the other night.

-so are these just the standard restraints back then?

-Hysterical Screaming Woman: You mind your own business! Police: THIS IS OUR BUSINESS!

-Well the restraint chair didn’t work. Have you tried The Wrap? I can train you on it.

-“Go to your homes, merely an escaped lunatic, quite harmless!”

-“Why don’t you shoot him?”(makes him stop and turn around so Monster has time to catch up and kill him). That death is on you Hysterical Screaming Woman!

-How did the monster kill Frieda? And why is her death more pressing then the 3 other people the monster murdered on the way?

-Ah Gypsys. Might I partake of your meal?

-Knock first you heathen!

-So do you give that blind man speech to EVERYONE who bursts into your home?

-All we need is a man who can’t hear, and we can do the “see no evil hear no evil speak no evil” thing!

-Blind Man: “I shall look after you. . .” Ha, haha, ha.

-Uh, I think I walked into the wrong hut.

-He can’t have smokes, he’s like 3 weeks old!

-Wow, this is getting a little hedonistic. Hopefully we learn good touch and bad touch QUICK!

-You walked into the wrong cabin!

-HOW DO YOU KNOW FRANKENSTEIN MADE HIM?!? I thought that was hush hush.

-Why aren’t they prosecuting Frankenstein then?

-just out toppling statues now.

-(Monster walks into Grave)Guess he is just going to go ahead and die then.

-Okay, dead people can’t be your friend.

-Uh, who is that? Did they get a new Fritz?

-See, this is much more effective grave robbing. Go for tombs instead of digging

-Dr. Pretorius: “I hope her bones are firm.” Ew!

-Okay Dr. Pretorius wins the award for creepiest bastard yet.

-Damn he handles the monster just showing up very well.

-I love dead, hate living. Wow, again sympathy card going out the window.

-Send him away. “i will” (In walks Dr. Pretorius) DAMNIT WOMAN YOU HAD ONE JOB!

-Yeah, The Monster is going to kill you, Dr. Pretorius.

-and kidnapping.

-Uh. . . Too many witnesses Dr. Pretorius. WAY too many witnesses.

-Alright, you win, If you safely return my wife/fiancé, I agree to mad science with you!

-“We might have been burnt at the stake once for this!” You really should be now. Cause god damn.

-Uh. . .you are pretty much inviting him to go out and murder someone.

-Oh surprise surprise, he murdered someone.

-being VERY naive Henry. VERY.

-god whine more, Frankenstein.

-You WATCHED him SLIP SOMETHING into your Drink and you Drank it, Monster.

-So just straight up invented the radio/telephone.

-Don’t ask him questions, Frankenstein! YOU’RE THE MASTER MONSTER CREATOR! YOU TELL HIM WHAT TO DO!

-Let’s go fly a kite, to give my new monster life!

-Gotta say, escaped convicts make surprisingly good Lab assistants

-Not enough sedative, Doc. Frankenstein is not a morning person.

-yes yes alive alive, are you going to say that EVERY time?

-Alive and now DRESS UP TIME!

-Dr. Pretorius: “the bride of Frankenstein!” Henry: the bride of who now?

-Monster: Hubba Hubba

-Talk about an awkward blind date.

-SWIPE LEFT SWIPE LEFT!

-Dr. Pretorius: You’ll blow us all to atoms. Monster: I like this plan and all its possibilities.

-Self sacrifice play, I like it. Gives a nice character arc.

-Frankenstein,as his castle is exploding while he and his fiancé/wife escaped safely: Darling Darling, we’ll laugh about this later. End of movie.

-What no return to Lord Byron and his thoughts on Mary Shelly’s alternate version?

-Wait, The Monster’s Mate still has a question mark?

Last thought, the same actress who plays Mary Shelly also plays the Bride. . . So is this a self insert story? Ew?

I’m going to stop saying “Not scary” and just wait for one that DOES prove to be scary. I enjoyed it, I wonder if it would be better without the heavy censorship.

Tomorrow Night: We return to london to meet a more. . . animalistic classic monster.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

This Week: Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

What a nostalgia trip! This really brings back the feeling of watching Godzilla movies as a kid!

You know, not caring one iota about the stupid human storyline and just wanting to watch the giant monsters duke it out.

The monster battles are okay. It is neat to see Godzilla VS King Ghidorha, but it does lose something being all CGI. I personally still like suit-mation. Maybe the Toku lover in me, but I just like it too much to ever be fully okay with CGI-ing everything.

Now the question becomes: Why am I okay with the Hulk and basically the entirety of Age of Ultron, but I find the Transformers and Godzilla movies boring? I tried to argue that it was due to there being actual humans involved in the fights and the cgi was just put in to account for the impossible, but almost the ENTIRETY of the Hulk VS Hulkbuster fight was CGI and I freaking LOVED that one.

Question to be analyzed for another day, perhaps, cause at this point I don’t have a solid answer outside of speed. All the Hulk fights generally have a decent clip of speed to them. Godzilla and Transformers are huge and slow. I just don’t know. Moving on.

The characters motivations in this movie make no sense. It is the standard, “Humans are earths cancer and the monsters are here to course correct,” crazy house nonsense. You can’t cite “war” as a reason to wipe out humanity. Especially when you are using mercenaries to bring about your goals.

Oh, and apparently they are tying in Kong: Skull Island into this series. Something I did not know since I did not see Kong: Skull Island. I am not a fan of King Kong. I watched the second half of Peter Jackson’s King Kong and I felt I saw the majority of it. I guess I need to see the newest Kong film, cause they mention Kong and Skull Island a LOT in this film, but they never show him.

Honestly, it might be neat to check out in IMAX or Dolby, but it is too late now. So I would say skip it. Maybe check it out when it comes to streaming, but it isn’t that great. I would actually recommend some of the more recent Japanese Live Action Godzilla films. They have REALLY improved the suit-mation and generally have better stories. Here is Japan’s opinion on the 1998 Godzilla:

Yeah, officially the shortest monster fight in Godzilla history.

Alright, the Backlog is now clear for Theater Reviews. Finally get back to my normal schedule. Of nothing.

Next Week: Yesterday. I plan on seeing Yesterday, Saturday, even though it came out Today, because Tomorrow I am having dinner with my parents. Can’t wait to say that Yesterday came out Yesterday.

Rocketman (2019)

This Week: Rocketman

IT’S A MUSICAL?!?

Now, I KNEW this was going to be flooded with Elton John songs, but I expected something similar to Bohemian Rhapsody, where the songs were performed in rehearsals and concerts, but nope, goes full on song and dance!

And it is fantastic! . . . if you like Elton John songs, that is. If you don’t, then I don’t know why you would be seeing this movie.

Also, keep in mind that this is Elton John, so there is a man on man sex scene, which I can tell you is not at all uncomfortable to watch on a giant theater screen while crammed into a seat between my wife and my mother.

Ooo, two gifs, I like it!

Because I know less of the history of Elton John than I did of Queen, I don’t know where the historical inaccuracies are. Fortunately we have the INTERNET TO HELP US!

Go look for them if you care, I don’t.

There was fun fact, John Reid was played by Robb Stark in this film. John Reid ALSO appeared in Bohemian Rhapsody, played by Littlefinger. Maybe when we get the Michael Flatley story, John Reid can be played by Jojen Reed!

Or someone else. I dunno, I needed to research this joke more.

(Researches Scottish GoT actors)

F***! Should have gone with Podrick. Oh well, too late to rewrite it now.

Anywho, I highly recommend this one. Definitely best movie that I’ve seen as a married man.

Which does not bode well for the King of All Monsters.

Next Week: Godzilla: King of the Monsters

Men In Black: International (2019)

This Week: Men In Black: International (2019)

I kind of liked this one.

Like everyone else, I loved the first Men in Black. I even enjoyed the second. I thought the third one sucked. I mean, everyone tried their best, but the story was lame and I just didn’t care for it.

The villains in this one were AWESOME looking. They are basically cosmic entities. Walking universes.

There is a big twist at the end, but you see it coming from lightyears away.

This movie is fine. However it doesn’t have the same charm and uniqueness of the original Men in Black. It is a decent movie by itself, but it is a franchise limping along simply to keep the rights from reverting back to Marvel.

2 more movies left.

Tomorrow: Rocketman

The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019)

This Week: The Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019)

So this movie is just an excuse to have cute things on screen for an hour and a half (roughly). There are three major stories that all kind of come together at the end.

In the first movie it was just one major narrative that kind of flowed through each of the characters. This one ignored that style and just plopped three different stories down.

Ultimately it is kind of a drop off from the first movie. It seems like a lot of the various pets that made an appearance in the last film just kind of dropped off. The rocking dogs are gone. The bird appears only to get briefly eaten. Duke gets full on relegated to a background character, just there for punchlines. It misses a lot of the heart that was in the first film. But the film is cute. It also still has plenty of humor.

All in all: Cute. Not an progressing the franchise, but cute. I recommend waiting for home release.

3 more movies til back to current!

Next Week: Men In Black: International