Originally Published on October 5th, 2017
TONIGHT ON TEMPLARKNIGHT MEETS THE UNIVERSAL MONSTERS:
THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN (1935)
This is where all the titles of movies supposedly got silly. Instead of going “Frankenstein 2: Electric Boogaloo” we get the Bride of, the Son Of, the Second Cousin Twice Removed of, etc.
However, many critics claim that this film is supposed to be even superior to the original.
My view. . .I agree to an extent. They did seem to do more with the story and were able to have more solid effects and make up. I think it was weird having the Monster suddenly being taught drinking and smoking and such.
There was a real jump the shark moment with the little people in jars. That just broke me for a while where I could barely grasp what I was seeing.
Colin Clive didn’t quite get the same amazing dialogue as he did in the last film, but he still did fairly well. Dr. Pretorius was the scene stealer this time with just bat shit crazy lines and mannerisms.
My notes during the film:
-Karloff get’s main billing this time! No question mark for you.
-Yay! Colin Clive is back!
-the Monsters Mate . . .? Are you trying to suggest the ending?
-Wow. . .oh okay, I thought Henry Frankenstein got VERY foppish. We just went Meta!
-Going super meta for “Previously on Frankenstein”
-My god, Byron is too much.
-OH SHIT! IT’S THE SCREAMING WOMAN FROM THE INVISIBLE MAN!
-“No riots! no Riots!” Yeah, fine speech to give AFTER the angry mob burns down a windmill.
-yeah, dumbass, walks into a burning wind mill.
-YOU’LL FLOAT TOO! Now to go up and drown the mother, go for the hat trick.
-AND HE DID IT, THE GOD DAMN MAD MAN!
-Hysterical Screaming woman is Screaming Hysterically.
-Does Elizabeth look different to you?(Shh!)
-Well, they don’t believe me, off to London to open the Lion’s Head, hope they all die!
-One more hysterical scream for the road!
-LISTEN TO HER, SHE HAS THE SHINE!
-Okay, so I guess Hysterical Screaming Woman is not shunting off just yet.
-Really? THIS GUY (Dr. Pretorius) doesn’t get a Hysterical Scream?
-No GIRLS ALLOWED!
-So, how many people ARE out there just creating monsters from dead tissue?
-Uh. . .don’t accept drinks from crazy monologuers.
-Wha. . . Dr. Frankenstein and the Little People?!?
-I don’t think I can process this. . .
-Dr. Pretorius My problem has been
-Dr. Frankenstein is like “WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT DRINK?!?”
-“This isn’t science!” YOU GOT THAT FUCKING RIGHT!
-i grew tiny tiny people.
-Yeah, do not go with this man, choose science.
-Let’s make a woman to a monster we presume dead. Why?!?
-What is the monster eating?
-Oh no she fell! Alright let me show you my floating technique.
-Hand based CPR
-GUYS! MONSTERS STILL ALIVE! LET’S GET THE MOB BACK TOGETHER! For old time’s sake!
-Kill two men with one boulder!
-Wow, chasing down a monster is exhausting work.
-Hysterical Screaming Woman:“I’ll bind him!” After he’s already been bound.
-Now he can stand trial! You know, after we tried to straight up murder him the other night.
-so are these just the standard restraints back then?
-Hysterical Screaming Woman: You mind your own business! Police: THIS IS OUR BUSINESS!
-Well the restraint chair didn’t work. Have you tried The Wrap? I can train you on it.
-“Go to your homes, merely an escaped lunatic, quite harmless!”
-“Why don’t you shoot him?”(makes him stop and turn around so Monster has time to catch up and kill him). That death is on you Hysterical Screaming Woman!
-How did the monster kill Frieda? And why is her death more pressing then the 3 other people the monster murdered on the way?
-Ah Gypsys. Might I partake of your meal?
-Knock first you heathen!
-So do you give that blind man speech to EVERYONE who bursts into your home?
-All we need is a man who can’t hear, and we can do the “see no evil hear no evil speak no evil” thing!
-Blind Man: “I shall look after you. . .” Ha, haha, ha.
-Uh, I think I walked into the wrong hut.
-He can’t have smokes, he’s like 3 weeks old!
-Wow, this is getting a little hedonistic. Hopefully we learn good touch and bad touch QUICK!
-You walked into the wrong cabin!
-HOW DO YOU KNOW FRANKENSTEIN MADE HIM?!? I thought that was hush hush.
-Why aren’t they prosecuting Frankenstein then?
-just out toppling statues now.
-(Monster walks into Grave)Guess he is just going to go ahead and die then.
-Okay, dead people can’t be your friend.
-Uh, who is that? Did they get a new Fritz?
-See, this is much more effective grave robbing. Go for tombs instead of digging
-Dr. Pretorius: “I hope her bones are firm.” Ew!
-Okay Dr. Pretorius wins the award for creepiest bastard yet.
-Damn he handles the monster just showing up very well.
-I love dead, hate living. Wow, again sympathy card going out the window.
-Send him away. “i will” (In walks Dr. Pretorius) DAMNIT WOMAN YOU HAD ONE JOB!
-Yeah, The Monster is going to kill you, Dr. Pretorius.
-Uh. . . Too many witnesses Dr. Pretorius. WAY too many witnesses.
-Alright, you win, If you safely return my wife/fiancé, I agree to mad science with you!
-“We might have been burnt at the stake once for this!” You really should be now. Cause god damn.
-Uh. . .you are pretty much inviting him to go out and murder someone.
-Oh surprise surprise, he murdered someone.
-being VERY naive Henry. VERY.
-god whine more, Frankenstein.
-You WATCHED him SLIP SOMETHING into your Drink and you Drank it, Monster.
-So just straight up invented the radio/telephone.
-Don’t ask him questions, Frankenstein! YOU’RE THE MASTER MONSTER CREATOR! YOU TELL HIM WHAT TO DO!
-Let’s go fly a kite, to give my new monster life!
-Gotta say, escaped convicts make surprisingly good Lab assistants
-Not enough sedative, Doc. Frankenstein is not a morning person.
-yes yes alive alive, are you going to say that EVERY time?
-Alive and now DRESS UP TIME!
-Dr. Pretorius: “the bride of Frankenstein!” Henry: the bride of who now?
-Monster: Hubba Hubba
-Talk about an awkward blind date.
-SWIPE LEFT SWIPE LEFT!
-Dr. Pretorius: You’ll blow us all to atoms. Monster: I like this plan and all its possibilities.
-Self sacrifice play, I like it. Gives a nice character arc.
-Frankenstein,as his castle is exploding while he and his fiancé/wife escaped safely: Darling Darling, we’ll laugh about this later. End of movie.
-What no return to Lord Byron and his thoughts on Mary Shelly’s alternate version?
-Wait, The Monster’s Mate still has a question mark?
Last thought, the same actress who plays Mary Shelly also plays the Bride. . . So is this a self insert story? Ew?
I’m going to stop saying “Not scary” and just wait for one that DOES prove to be scary. I enjoyed it, I wonder if it would be better without the heavy censorship.
Tomorrow Night: We return to london to meet a more. . . animalistic classic monster.