Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: Scrooged


10. Scrooged

Like everybody else, I love A Christmas Carol, particularly representations of The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come. Whenever a new version comes out, I just eat it up. Due to there being SO MANY versions of it, I decided to stick to only 1 version of A Christmas Carol on my list, to avoid just having a dozen different versions and clogging the list.

This is NOT that version. This is a modern retelling of the story without a Scrooge, Crachets, or even properly named spirits. So loophole bitches!

Honestly, despite this largely being a comedy, at the end when Bill Murray is filled with Christmas spirit, it actually is fairly joyous and heartfelt. Heartfelt at gunpoint, but hey, it worked in Christmas Vacation.

Yeah, not a lot to change here, take your gifs and get out of my face.

Next Time: And my Favorite Version of the A Christmas Carol is. . .

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation


11. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

Saw this for the first time about three or four (or seven) years ago. Again, due to my mother dictating what I watched for much of my childhood, and her disliking “stupid movies,” this movie never really crossed my path.

Watched it for the first time, and became entranced. You’d think I’d use this to then go see the other Vacation movies, but no. Still haven’t seen the others.

Three years later and this still remains true. Wally World to me is just a name for Wal-Mart. When I was younger, the first National Lampoon movies I became aware of were Senior Trip and Vegas Vacation. Somehow I mentally put them together and for decades thought that Chevy Chase took seniors on a trip to Las Vegas.

Hey, are they still trying to get the Community movie off the ground? Tell them to call me, I have a GREAT (or Terrible) idea!

The first National Lampoon movie I saw was actually Van Wilder. I saw a smattering of the other films like Animal House(because it needs to be on the shelf of every College boys dorm), Dorm Daze, and (mouth vomit) Christmas Vacation 2.

But I digress, for good reason. This movie is a Christmas classic and is honestly something everyone should check out. It IS kind of stupid, as my mother would say, but it also has that heartwarming Christmas feeling along with it.

Next Time: Time for a Modern Retelling of a Classic

Favorite Holiday Movies HD Re-Mastered!: While You Were Sleeping


12. While You Were Sleeping

Yeah, growing up, due to spending more time watching tv with my mother and sister than my dad(because it was apparently more acceptable for me to be exposed to stuff like Exit To Eden and Best Little Whorehouse in Texas than the action and horror movies my dad watched) I ended up watching a bunch of chick flicks and musicals. So as a result, rom coms are a decent portion of my movie catalogue.

Also, Sandra Bullock. Hummina hummina hummina

I will have to say that this movie ONLY works because it was the 90’s and it was a woman crushing on an unconscious man. Good freaking luck pulling this off with the roles reversed.

THAT DOESN’T COUNT! But yeah, if Prince Phillip decided to fall in love with Aurora’s sister while she was cursed and unconscious, some fairy godmothers would be arguing over the color of Prince Philip’s full body cast.

Honestly the love story is decent, but the actual heart and soul of the movie is Sandra Bullock’s interactions with the family and the side characters.

Joe Junior is probably my favorite.

Yeah, the holiday kind of takes a back seat, but hey, it has a Christmas tree bursting through a window, so it COUNTS!


Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: Babes in Toyland


13. Babes in Toyland

“Well for instance,” he pressed on,” I rented the strangest movie last night. Did you know that ‘Babes in Toyland’ was a Christmas movie?”

“Of course! What did you THINK it was?”

“Well, I thought, well . . .”

-excerpt from The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror, by Christopher Moore.

Yeah, the title always seemed weird to me. Especially considering Keanu Reeves is in it.

Yeah, by the time I saw it in the 90’s, “babes” had a very different meaning than when the title was originally made in 1903.

I saw this movie in class when I was very young and thought it was fantastic. Watching it now, yes there is so much stuff to make fun of about this movie, but I still enjoy it.

The story begins with 11 year old Drew Barrymore braving a winter storm on foot in order to tell her older sister to come home because the storm is getting worse.

Thing is, she manages to travel to the Toy store her sister works at on foot, but then coming back it goes through some treacherous forest path via jeep. That’s some weird geography.

Anywho, when she gets to her sister’s toy store, her sister and Keanu Reeves believe that they should send all the customers home because of the storm. Her boss scoffs at this and suggests she be nicer to him while stroking her arm.

As a result, she and everyone else quits while Drew Barrymore announces via the intercom that everyone should go home because she saw a report on the news about bad weather. And her sister steals a sled to give to Drew.

They then drive home and sing a song about Cincinnati. It is annoying enough that Drew Barrymore bails out of the car on her new sled.

She rides the sled all the way into a tree Toyland where she finds new versions of all the people she knows. Her sister is Mary Contrary, Keanu is Jack, and their boss is Barnaby.

Barnaby lives in a bowling ball.

The biggest threat is Barnaby getting in his bowling ball house and rolling it down through town knocking people over. Apparently this is just something he does.

Barnaby is about to get married to Mary. Everyone is just going along with this because nothing can be done. Until Drew Barrymore shouts that Mary can’t marry Barnaby because she loves Jack. This is apparently enough to disrupt the wedding and thwart Barnaby’s plans.

Everyone at the wedding cheers and sings a song for Drew Barrymore for saving the day.

Barnaby decides to go for his OTHER evil plan and steals all the cookies. Then he convinces everyone that Jack stole the cookies. And by everyone, I mean the Judge. The Judge locks up Jack.

What happens next is a cunning escape plan where Georgie Porgy simply walks in and unlocks Jack’s cell.

Everyone then goes to talk to the Toy Master, played by Mr. Miyagi. The Toy Master then tells them about bottling up all the evil in the world. Then he places it on a high shelf next to Chekov’s Gun.

Jack returns to the cookie factory to investigate the dissappeared cookies and discovers a trap door! The trap door leads down to a cell in Barnaby’s lair. Barnaby then tortures Jack with the villain song about how he wants to take over ToyLand and make it evil.

Drew, Mary, and Georgie go to Barnaby’s bowling ball and debate going inside. Mary decides she will be the one to go in AND gets immediately captured.

Drew and Georgie go to the Toy Master before Barnaby storms in and ties everyone up. Barnaby steals the evil bottle and leaves one cyclopian bird monster to eat them. The bird cuts the rope on Drew Barrymore and then gets led into a giant box. Good plan.

Georgie and Drew then arm themselves with bats and decide to take the fight to Barnaby! And get captured via another trap door slide. Seriously, that is three trap door slides that ALL lead to the same cell.

Barnaby sprays them all with the evil gas and Drew Barrymore is imune because she is not fictional from Cincinnati. She then cures them of the evil by making them sing the Cincinnati song from earlier. This also allows them to escape.

After a brief Mario Kart race with Barnaby and his minions, Barnaby decides to unleash a horde of evil monsters made from the evil gas on Toyland and everyone else retreats to the Toy Master’s shop.

Now, a big thing about this movie is Drew Barrymore CONSTANTLY screaming about how she isn’t a child. She’s eleven and has left such childish things behind her. Well, the Toy Master tells her that as long as she keeps screaming she’s not a child, the toys can’t help her. He then sings a song about it.

Drew Barrymore bends to peer pressure and tells all the toys she believes in them. This is enough to go out and destroy all the evil monsters. With bullets. And cannons.

Jack Wick then beats up Barnaby and throws him into the forest of the night with all the evil monsters that he no longer controls. He is apparently torn apart. The crowd celebrates with a wedding and returning to Cincinnati with Santa Claus.

Drew Barrymore wakes up in the hospital with a severe headwound from flying out of a moving car and slamming full force into a tree her home perfectly fine. She briefly tells of her Oz like dream and says she will embrace christmas because her heart grew three sizes.

Yeah, it is a weird movie, but I love it. It probably is the super nostalgia.

I’ve tried to watch the old one(s) but they just bore me. In fairness, I probably haven’t given them a fair shot, but who has the time.

Next Time: speaking of movies that occur while a character is knocked out. . .

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Re-mastered!: Miracle on 34th Street


14. Miracle on 34th Street

Bite me, I like the remake more than the original.

This will generally always be the case for movies that came out during my childhood as opposed to movies that came out decades before I was born. There are plenty of movie reviewers who uphold the original classics over the “terrible remakes,” but that isn’t me. When I saw Miracle on 34th Street, that was the ONLY Miracle on 34th Street. When I then saw the original, I was bored, because black and white is boring. Or at least when the option of color is there.

I can just relate more to the modern version than the original.

And honestly, this has one of my FAVORITE portrayals of Santa Clause-DAMNIT Claus! He is wholesome and kind, but, like Kirk Cameron’s St. Nicholas, he is willing to lay the smackdown on someone who dares defame the image of Santa.

One thing about this, compared to say, The Santa Clause, is that there could legitimately be no Santa in this world. However, the man playing Santa in this refuses to break character and destroy the faith of children, regardless of who demands it of him. It doesn’t matter whether he is ACTUALLY Santa or not. For me he IS my image of Santa.

You know, before returning to his regular job of creating an island of Dinosaurs.

Next Time: More remakes, with a surprisingly little known film considering it stars Keanu Reeves and Drew Barrymore.

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: The Grinch


15. The Grinch

The original animated version is fine, but I enjoy this much more, personally. I quote this all the time. Hell, I even quote deleted scenes.

That first deleted scene with the Shopping scene is one of my favorites, I wish they would have left it in. Then everyone would know it instead of just people who obsessively watched all the special features on the dvd.

The original cartoon in my opinion was very cut and dry. The Grinch was bad, the Whos were good, end of story. In the end I just found it kind of boring. I like my characters to have more depth instead of just cardboard cut outs.

Yeah, I get it. However this is largely due to timing when it comes to watching these movies. This movie came out when I was a kid. Originally when I saw the Grinch cartoon, I liked it like everyone else. But then I saw the Grinch movie and loved it. I liked that the Grinch wasn’t a 100% bad guy and that his hatred of the Whos and Christmas were kind of justified. Cause the Whos were dicks and the holiday was just a festival of presents. In the end EVERYONE learns a lesson, not just teaching the Grinch he was wrong. So it became difficult for me to still enjoy a cartoon that painted everyone with broad strokes.

Now as far as my thoughts and comparisons of the New New Grinch movie, you can read them here.

Uhm, the new one was just okay and didn’t make sense why the Grinch continued to steal presents after meeting Cindy Lou Who.

Note to self: go back and finish review of The Grinch 2018 (puts note on top of to-do list of King’s Halloween, Thankskilling 2, and Dark Universe)

Next Time: Speaking of remakes about restoring faith. . .

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: The Home Alone Trilogy


16. The Home Alone trilogy

This is probably gonna get me some grief.

Home Alone is a classic. A kid gets left at home by his family and then has to defend the home from a couple of burglers. Wacky hijinks ensue and then includes just enough heartwarming scenes at the end to make everyone forget that the entire family is just awful.

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is also really manipulative well done. Same kid from the first movie ditches his family and flies off to new york, stays in a ridiculously expensive hotel room, and then thwarts off getting murdered. Again, with some heartwarming scenes.

Home Alone 3 is where I lose everybody.

New kid, New Criminals, New Family.

This time the kid isn’t abandoned by his family, he gets the chicken pox and has to stay home while his family is out of the house attending school and work. He accidentally comes into possession of military technology due to the criminals hiding the chip in a toy car and accidentally getting bags swapped with the kid’s neighbor. The neighbor having no use for a toy car gives it to the kid, because he shoveled her driveway. You know, because he is a good kid. Unlike the psychopath in the other two movies. Oh and this kid also contacts the authorities when he discovers the military tech. This takes longer than it should to result in the authorities arriving, but hey nobody died.

Also, the parrot in this movie is f***ing amazing. Out terrorists a terrorist.

Yes, it is nowhere near as good as the first two, but overall, I still enjoy watching it from time to time, and have probably seen it more times and more recently than the other two.

(What about Home Alone 4 and 5?)

Next Time: When you’re out to steal Christmas though. . .

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: A Christmas Story


17. A Christmas Story

I’m throwing this in early because it is SO DAMN OBVIOUS, that building up the suspense is silly.

My mother HATES this movie, as a result, I love it. Or maybe cause and effect are reversed.

Drink more Ovaltine.

I can’t put down my arms.

You’ll shoot your eye out!

OH FFFFFFUUUUUDGE(except I didn’t say fudge!)

Hell, this entire post could just be quoting the entire movie out of sequence. Good idea for the comments section.

This movie was a cult classic that is kind of getting beaten to death. One of the consequences of Nerd culture becoming mainstream is that things are becoming less special. Yes, I will always fight for things I love to be enjoyed by a wider audience, but when that comes at the cost of marketing everything out without understanding what was good about it in the first place, it loses something.

All you need to do is look at the Sequel(s), the musical, the “Live” musical, the 24 hour repeat on TBS, and the f***ing phone ads to see that they are trying to kill it.

Though, it being Christmas, that is what we tend to do. I still enjoy it. It is a nice wholesome reflection of what it is like to be a kid waiting for Christmas and trying to follow what you think the rules are.

Next Time: Sticking to children. Hehe Sticky.

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: Eight Crazy Nights


18. Eight Crazy Nights

So, in going back and pulling these reviews, I found out that I actually tried to do my favorite Holiday movies 2 years in a row. I posted like 4 movies in 2015, and then I did the full on list in 2016. Awkward. In 2015 I posted this review on the 8th because Hanukkah was starting. In 2016 I posted it because Hanukkah was on the 24th, which was my birthday, and I wasn’t having it. My apologies to the Hebrew People.

This is one of the movies that makes this more of a holiday list than a Christmas list. They celebrate Christmas in it, too though.

A lot of people dislike this movie, but I think it’s great. I for one enjoy the songs and most of the jokes work for me. Not to mention the animation is fantastic.

This was released back when I was young enough to believe Adam Sandler could do no wrong. Clearly I’ve moved past that, but those movies I enjoyed then I still enjoy now, so bleh.

I know it ranks pretty damn low for everyone else, but damnit, the jokes are funny, the songs are enjoyable, and the deer are. . . Alright, the deer are f***ing disgusting, but I stand by everything else in this movie!

Seriously, What the hell, Adam?

Next Time: My mom read this post and now I have to find Lifebuoy Soap.

Favorite Holiday Movies HD-Remastered!: Die Hard


19. Die Hard

Because F*** You, It’s Die Hard!

Oh right, HD-Remastered and on Long Damn Reviews. Crap.

I was late to the Die Hard game. Live Free Die Hard was actually about to come out when I saw Die Hard. I can’t remember 100% whether I saw Die Hard then Live Free Die Hard or vice versa, but I would reasonably guess that me being me, I would have watched them in order.

And yes of course, I thought it was awesome!

As far as the sequels go, I thought Die Hard 2 was just okay. Die Hard with a Vengeance was great, but not Christmas related, Live Free Die Hard was good, but needed the R rating, and I haven’t seen the Russian one.

Now, there is an argument online about whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Obviously, because it is on my Holiday list, I MUST believe it is a Christmas movie, right?

I say, technically it is. It checks all the boxes. Takes place during Christmas. Has Christmas music. Main character makes a santa pun. Even has a couple get back together, which is common in holiday movies.

And I am willing to let things in on a technicality. However, it had to be pointed out to me that it was a Christmas movie. Honestly, in my heart of hearts I don’t see it as a Christmas movie, it is an action movie that takes place during Christmas. I don’t get the heartwarming feeling of Christmas while watching this movie, I just get the Yippee Ki Yay, MotherF***er, It’s DIE HARD feeling. Hell, even Reindeer Games had a heartwarming Christmas ending, but hey, IT’S DIE HARD!

Next Time: F*** You, It’s Hannukah.