THE WORST CHRISTMAS movies EVER!
Tonight: The Christmas Blessing
THE CHRISTMAS SHOES HAS A SEQUEL?!?
AND IT STARS NEIL PATRICK HARRIS?!?
So this takes place several years after the 15 year time skip from the Christmas Shoes. The young boy whose mother was taken to teach Rob Lowe a lesson has now become Neil Patrick Harris playing a doctor on tv. He loses a kid on the operating table and throws a tantrum and decides he doesn’t want to be a Doctor anymore!
So he goes home to visit his dad who seems to be only a few years older than himself. He decides to help out at his dad’s auto shop and at the local school to keep himself busy. While at the auto shop, he meets a woman, Meghan, who pretends to only speak spanish to con Neil into doing all the auto work for free.
It turns out Meghan was just practicing her spanish for a cultural appreciation class at school. Where she incorrectly tells the children that Cinco de Mayo is Mexican Independence Day and that it is the most popular Holiday in Mexico. It is neither of those things. Read a book movie! (Based on the Novel by Donna VanLiere) A BOOK THAT WILL ACTUALLY TEACH YOU SOMETHING!
Anywho, we also meet the kid from Two and a Half Men playing Charlie. His dad uses him as free labor to help him hanging up lights and raking lawns. His father also apparently doesn’t want to tell him his mother died years ago after leaving them. So he makes up stories about how she was a dancer and is currently on broadway. To further his proof, he shows Charlie a pair of shoes that “were his mother’s” which he actually pulled out of a donation bin earlier in the movie.
This are the “Christmas Shoes” from the last movie. Neil’s father donated them because he was tired of them dredging up memories he wants to put behind him.
So Meghan goes for a run after school and mildly sprains her ankle. Neil checks it and tells her to ice it and keep it elevated. She is impressed by his extremely basic knowledge how to handle a sprain and he says he learned it in a first aid class. So they start dating and Neil pretends not to play a doctor on television.
This comes to a head when Charlie suddenly collapses while playing basketball. They rush him to the hospital where Neil works and one of Neil’s coworkers outs him as a Doctor.
HOW DARE YOU! You NEVER out someone’s actual profession! Meghan walks out on him.
Charlie apparently has a heart condition and he’s ineligible for a transplant.
And then everyone just goes back to what they are doing. Charlie goes back to helping his dad with work, completely forgetting he was just HOSPITALIZED. Neil and Meghan have a brief argument about him not telling her he was a doctor, but they get over it and start dating again. And Neil’s father and Charlie’s father drink at the bar. Neil’s father reveals he is selling his home and his auto shop. Charlie’s father reveals he is lying to his son.
Then at a christmas dance, Meghan passes out while dancing with Neil.
I’m calling it, Neil’s character is the grim freakin reaper! He killed his mother, he’s killing his girlfriend, he’s killing Charlie, and come to think of it, Rob Lowe’s mother was just fine in the last movie until his character came and visited her briefly.
So it turns out Meghan has hepatitis and needs a new liver. Neil storms out of the hospital and runs into Rob Lowe. Despite Rob Lowe never freaking aging, Neil doesn’t recognize him. They talk briefly before Neil goes home to throw a tantrum at his dad’s house. Even plucking up the for sale sign and throwing it on the ground, in the most overdramatic fashion possible.
Well done, Neil. Best actor in the business.
Meghan looks like she might die until Charlie decides to die first. Neil gives him the same “God’s not taking you, he’s receiving you” speech his mother gave him. Charlie gives Neil the Christmas Shoes to give to Meghan. Along with his liver. Charlie’s father finally lets Charlie know his mother is dead. Charlie’s father then leaves his son to die while he “goes to work.”
Meghan lives, Neil and Rob have flashbacks to the last movie, and then everyone meets up at a Blake Shelton concert for charity. The end.
Yeah, this movie is dumb. I hoped Neil would save it, but there was just too much Hallmark nonsense for him to work past. And his Barney style tantrums don’t work when you are trying to take it seriously.
AND YES, THERE IS A THIRD ONE. NO I’M NOT REVIEWING IT.(until I realize I don’t have enough movies)
Tomorrow: So you can’t get Arnold Schwarzenegger to come back for the sequel, who do you get? The Rock? Kevin Sorbo? . . .Larry the Cable guy?