Clarence

THE WORST CHRISTMAS movies EVER!

Tonight: Clarence

So to start, sorry, we were supposed to watch this last night, but due to seeing Spider-man and me spending most of my time not watching Spider-man sitting in the bathroom, the movie kind of got back burnered. Going from pneumonia to gastrointestinal distress is killing this list.

So in 1990, someone thought it was a good idea to spin off a character from It’s A Wonderful Life into his own movie. Hopefully that man was fired. (Does some research)

No one was.

Apparently, following the events of It’s A Wonderful Life, Clarence earned his wings(which are literally just the little pin that pilots give out to children to make them feel important) and also had about 40 years taken off his appearance. According to this, doing good deeds makes you look younger and younger. The head angel, Joseph looks about 12. Not even hyperbole, the actor is 12 at the time of the movie.

Clarence apparently did not do so well following the events of It’s A Wonderful Life, because he refuses to act as a Guardian Angel and simply likes to repair clocks. However, a newcomer to heaven manages to convince Clarence to go back to Earth to stop his wife from getting into a Taxi, because if she does, it will lead to a chain of events that will lead to her suicide.

Yeah, I’ve been on cab rides like that before. Thank god for Uber.

Clarence goes down and fails to prevent the woman, Rachel, from getting into the Taxi. He does manage to assist in robbing a bank. He gets another taxi to chase Rachel down and eats a contract that would sell her dead husbands company to the evil rival company.

Oh and I mean evil. The owner has Death from Supernatural as his personal henchman. He also buys Rachel’s loan, demands payment in a week, and when she tries to get a second loan, he leans on the bank to place ridiculous conditions before they approve the loan.

Although Clarence manages to prevent the original chain of events, Joseph tells him that Rachel still needs help. Joseph also tells Clarence that the rules have changed. Clarence can’t tell anyone he is an angel, and he can’t bring people into heaven, or he will lose his wings.

Rachel’s daughter figures out pretty quickly that Clarence is probably an Angel. Rachel’s son, Brent, is apparently doing poorly in school and football, likely due to the recent death of his father. But apparently everyone is just going to be jerks about it.

At one point Brent decides to skip school to try and get a job. Because Clarence guaranteed that Brent would be at school to avoid stressing out Rachel, Clarence uses his Angel powers to look like Brent and attend his classes and football practice.

ClarBrent apparently does very well in english because he knows everything about Huckleberry Finn, and in Football practice, ClarBrent phases in and out of existence before running away and becomes the star of the team. This of course implodes when Brent can’t figure out why everyone thinks he was fantastic at school yesterday when he wasn’t even there.

Most of the movie works this way, Clarence uses angel powers to temporarily resolve an issue, but Joseph scolds him and then when he decides not to use angel powers, everything goes horribly wrong.

This leads to Rachel eventually going up to a snowy hilltop to commit suicide. . . somehow, and Clarence decides to break all the rules, admit to being an Angel, and then brings Rachel up to see her dead husband. Rachel decides not to kill herself. Brent finally gets his act together in school. Brent also figures out the programming issue that will save his fathers company and everything will probably work out.

Joseph tells Clarence he broke all the rules, but because he did it for a good reason, he gets to keep his wings.

The end.

This movie is just crap. It has nothing to do with the original, and has no reason to be tied to the original. I don’t recommend it.

Tomorrow: So we are coming to the end of sequel week. And I’ve saved the most infamous for last. CUE THE MANIACAL LAUGH!