THE WORST CHRISTMAS movies EVER!
Tonight: How the Wrong Brothers Saved Christmas
. . . I don’t even know how to describe this.
So Santa’s best adviser dies. This hits Santa hard, so Santa hits his sleigh hard. . . right into the ground killing all his reindeer.
He then hits the nog hard. Which he gets into a vicious cycle of drinking egg nog and vomiting all over himself.
We then cut to the Wrong brothers. One of them collides with a guy and they accidentally swap packages. Turns out the guy was a terrorist.
Why do these no budget movies always default to terrorist angles?
So the Wrong Brothers both start hitting on the same girl. One offers a box of chocolates that contains half of one chocolate and a lighter. The other brother gives her a bomb.
One explosion later(due to a tripping incident, no one died), the brothers are commiserating over donuts. The terrorist on the other hand trys to use the “bomb” to blow up himself and a christmas tree. After several attempts, he just kicks the box and a bunch of panties pop out.
Seriously? Your “thoughtful gift” was about 20 pairs of underwear? At least one pair edible?
We then cut to . . . Ugh. . Eye-Sis, where the terrorist leader does weird dance routines while killing hostages in varying ways. It’s also revealed that under his mask he is wearing pink lipstick. The terrorist with the panties calls to report his failure and he is told he is being denied a suicide bombing and is kicked out of the club.
The wrong brothers find the terrorist guy as he is eating the edible panties in remorse and freely confessing his crimes and life story. The Wrong Brothers realize he believes they are FBI(because they are wearing suits) and decide to torture him for information.
Again, realizing that he actually already told them everything freely, they just tell him to go north.
Cut back to the north pole and one elf decides to upgrade Santa’s sleigh to get Santa out of his funk.
So now we have the terrorist walking through the north pole while the Wrong Brothers are in a hot tub, bragging to a couple of girls about how they are Heroes . . . while the girls are outside of the hot tub, fully dressed.
I’m not sure the Wrong Brothers know how to use Hot Tubs to get chicks.
Anywho, Santa Runs over the terrorist with his new jet powered sleigh. Amazingly the terrorist isn’t dead. But apparently the terrorist has tools and a good resume, so he is hired as an elf and is so good, all the other elves have time to do Yoga with Santa.
And by other elves, I mean the same video of a guy copy and pasted 30 times. One elf is apparently sick of Santa’s depression and hits him with a snowball. Then ALL the elves hit Santa with snowballs. This apparently cures Santa’s depression and he shows this by. . . turning into a ball of light and shooting into space before coming back down and everyone breakdancing?
This is a 45 minute movie and there is still half left. WHY IS THERE STILL HALF LEFT?!?
So the former terrorist sends the Wrong Brothers christmas presents and thanks them for their help. He gives them each a turban that grant them the ability to fly through space.
They come across a police officer who snaps a guy’s skateboard for skateboarding in a no skateboarding zone. They kick the officer over, give him a wedgie and fly off with him. They eventually drop him off in the land of donuts.
I don’t know, you tell me.
The Wrong Brothers eventually fly off to the Amazon planet in the PantieOff galaxy. And the credits roll. As the credits are rolling a music video is playing in the background and all the actors names are spelled out in panties.
So that’s the e- why are there 8 minutes left?
F***! Okay, so they are now just in their turbans and yellow speedos, and they fly to the Amazon planet. There they are flocked by women.
6 weeks later. Women are lined up in wedding dresses and they approach an aztec pyramid. There we find that the Amazon women trick men to fly out to this planet so they can stick them in tubes and drain them of sperm until they die in a violent explosion.
Now it’s the true end. Thank GOD!
This is the equivalent of the Worst Horror Movie Ever Made except only 45 minutes long and without the porn. But it is a LONG and painful 45 minutes. I don’t recommend it. It is just too damn stupid.
Tomorrow: So, since we can’t stand the Brothers, maybe we should give the sons and daughter a try.