Birdemic: Shock and Terror

THE WORST HALLOWEEN movies EVER!

Tonight: Birdemic: Shock and Terror

So yesterday’s movie was about the evils of Veganism, tonights movie is about the evils of Global Warming.

I’m pretty sure Captain Planet would tell this movie to calm the hell down with its preachiness. Or I dunno, maybe he’d be cool with it, after losing his mind and turning everyone into trees that one time.

This movie was BAD. I can’t even recommend it. Honestly, the first 40 minutes is basically elevator music and almost half of it is establishing shots. So after mentioning how terrible everything is going because of news reports about global warming and birds dying randomly, we get to the 40 minute mark, have more establishing shots of locations where nothing is happening, we suddenly cut to SAN FRANCISCO UNDER SIEGE! WELCOME TO HELL!

Fake CGI birds are just hovering(randomly flapping every so often) and occassionally DIVE BOMBING AND EXPLODING! With plane sounds!

So the protagonists end up defending themselves with coat hangers until they get to their car and break out the handguns and assault rifles!(Get off my ass, they have a plug-in hybrid Mustang in this movie, so I’m calling it an assault rifle)

Speaking of the “plug in hybrid Mustang” this movie spends a LOT of time driving around in a Mustang or an old minivan. And despite the movie handwaving the Mustang as a plug in hybrid, that doesn’t exist in the real world. Or at least didn’t in 2008. So this movie is REAL PREACHY about global warming, but wastes ALL THAT GAS DRIVING AROUND!

So once the birds start attacking, the protagonists drive around, randomly stopping to help people(which results in them losing half their party when they fail to save people, then getting robbed of their gas) and also randomly meeting an environmentalist and an ornithologist. Then when things seem their worst and the eagles are about to take them, some Doves show up and convince the eagles to leave them alone and fly away.

As I said, I don’t recommend this movie. Maybe RiffTrax might improve the absolutely dead air, but I doubt it. If you want to ignore the warnings, it is on Amazon Prime.

Tomorrow: Well, after birds, we ought to give Cats a chance.

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