Vampire’s Kiss

THE WORST HALLOWEEN movies EVER!

Tonight: Vampire’s Kiss

This movie is weird.

I was really hoping to just start posting, “Nicholas Cage, you so cRaZy!” But it goes back and forth between Nicholas Cage being hilariously insane and his insanity not being funny.

Nicholas Cage spends the whole movie in full on insanity mode, while at the same time acting like Ross from Friends, 6 years before the show premiered. So. . . That means David Shcwimmer ripped off Vampire’s kiss?

Nicholas Cage plays a literary agent who is a typical new york playboy and he brings home a woman who supposedly is a vampire and she bites him. He slowly starts to lose his mind. He yells at his assistant for not finding a misfiled contract and even goes so far as chasing her into the women’s restroom.

He keeps going to a psychiatrist throughout the movie and she apparently does not realize he is going insane.

As he loses his grip on reality more and more, he is no longer able to see himself in the mirror and believes sunlight is burning him. We clearly see him in the mirror though. He then rapes his assistant and after shooting himself in the mouth with a gun loaded with blanks(don’t do that kids, you WILL burn the inside of your mouth) he starts running down the street screaming, “I’M A VAMPIRE.” He then buys a pair of cheap vampire fangs, goes to a nightclub and ends up killing a woman by biting her on the neck. He then starts wandering around New York, covered in blood, trying to convince someone to stake him in the chest with a broken plank of wood.

Then he slips into a hallucination where he is cleaned up but still carrying a plank of wood and is telling off his psychiatrist. His mental psychiatrist then hooks him up with another patient, and when he confesses to the rape and murder, she waves it off as no big deal. He then escorts his new imaginary girlfriend to his home, where he then flips out on her and calls her a bitch because she is still hung up on this vampire thing. Then the brother of the woman he raped shows up and helps Nicholas Cage stab himself in the chest with the plank of wood.

So yeah, there was no vampire in the film, just a man slowly slipping into madness. This movie sort of depends on the madness of Nicholas Cage to carry it along, but because it doesn’t really explain anything and just sort of jumps from scene to scene, it just becomes weird and confusing. It is nice to see where a lot of the memes come from, such as the “ya don’t say” face, but because the movie ends leaving you with a sort of sick feeling, it is difficult to just write it off as wacky.

Tomorrow: Since we have a movie where one person loses grip with reality, lets go with a movie where the writers, directors, characters, and original content creator have all lost grip with Reality.

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