The Dungeonmaster

THE WORST HALLOWEEN movies EVER!

Tonight: The Dungeonmaster Or RageWar: The Challenges of Excalibrate!

So yeah, this movie is very absent of dungeons, masters, and even RageWars. It’s PG-13 rating is even a lie considering we get full frontal nudity before we even get the title card!

It follows IT Specialist Paul who apparently has the first prototype of Google Glass, which allows him to instantly discover any computer problems, control traffic lights, and hack ATM’s, but can it tell him why kids love cinnamon toast crunch? Probably, seeing as it also creates charts showing that his relationship with his girlfriend, Gwen, will succeed.

After discussing this with his computer, he does one of the most clumsy proposals ever. Their relationship would probably fall apart if not for the interference of the Devil!

Yeah, Paul wakes up from a weird dream to find his girlfriend has been magically abducted. Just before he is magically abducted. The devil then calls him a worthy opponent and sets a list of challenges before him. The devil then gives Paul the power gauntlet(It’s So Bad) which apparently has god mode turned on before transporting Paul to various levels. Depending on what copy you are watching, the sequence of the trials are a little different. Each challenge is written and directed by different directors and writers. Pretty much all of them introduce a simple enemy, and paul defeats them with his laser gauntlet. Paul first is transported to a frozen room full of criminals and murderers(and Albert Einstein, so somebody is holding him accountable for the manhattan project). He is then transported to the realm of the dead, where we get the line “I reject your reality and substitute my own!” (What? No, Mythbusters. What the hell is Dungeonmaster?) The Devil then summons Paul back, so they can talk. You know, just about stuff. Paul gets pissy so the devil gets pissy and tries to have a rock off. Paul cheats by using his ipod, so the Devil casts him into a satanic version of Guitar Hero. So Guitar Hero 2. Paul again uses his gauntlet to blow up the band members, before then being sent to a weird hillside where his POWER GUANTLET IS STOLEN! Before the thieves just set it down, and Paul recovers it in time to defeat a giant stone monkey.

Paul then uses his guantlet to kill Torok the troll, who was actually an angel in disguise. He then gets transported into a level where a serial killer is going to get Gwen and he is arrested and accused of murder. He escapes, then stops the serial killer from killing Gwen. Paul and Gwen are then teleported to Mad Max world and they have to defeat master blaster. Gwen finally gets to shoot something this time. Now it is the final showdown between The Devil and Paul. Hand to hand combat! Paul kicks his ass and throwsthe Devil into a volcano, however just before Paul falls in himself, the power gauntlet extends a bar of light to him so he can pull himself to safety and everyone goes home safely. And now Gwen wants to marry him.

Yeah, this movie is a repetitive mess and all the challenges are made boring because Paul essentially just types code into his gauntlet and then boom, everything is okay. Rinse and repeat 7 times. Although it is stupid, I think it’s a movie every nerd/geek should see at least once.

Tomorrow: I dunno, insert some pun about eating in bed here.

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