Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (Abridged Review)


Tonight: The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made (ABRIDGED)

So yeah, the review I posted yesterday might have been a little too long. After posting it, I looked it over and that is a LOT scrolling. It was less like a review and more like live tweeting the whole thing(which is something I considered, but I don’t use my twitter).

So here is the ABRIDGED review of The Worst Horror movie ever made.

A couple hosts a card game, and within 5 minutes, everyone else is dead, with only one of them a direct result of the couple. 3 of them are killed by an axe murderer who uses painful axe puns, and one is killed in a freak 52 card pickup accident.

The couple flees their home and encounter poop monsters, werewolves, ghosts, terrorists, Zombie-Jesus, Zom-BEES, lesbian vampires, lesbians, rednecks, evil laurel and hardy ventriloquist dummies, a psychotic doctor, a house full of dead baby jokes, abusive soldiers, crazy people, giant spiders, bats, a mummy, and a detective who has been anally raped by almost everyone he encounters.

While the boyfriend manages to stay almost completely clothed the entire movie, the girlfriend seems to get naked for almost any reason, from getting strip searched, raped, even growing 50,000 feet tall.

The couple argues almost the entire film between the boyfriend having to pay for everything, the girlfriend wanting to have a baby and apparently being pregnant, and even religion.

They eventually make it home and are found innocent of the murders, however they get killed by a banana and a terrorist. Surprisingly separate incidents.

This movie sounds like it would be amazing! It has a telepathic vagina at one point! But it is wrapped in shitty dialogue and audio, needless nudity, and the ultimate goal to “offend people” running every decision.

Again I don’t recommend watching it, I don’t recommend downloading it, and I DEFINITELY don’t recommend owning it.

If you want to borrow it, let me know.

Tomorrow: Now that we’re done, can I even recognize good movies anymore?

Oh and Worst Christmas coming in December. Tell your friends.

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