TEMPLARKNIGHT’S FAVORITE HOLIDAY MOVIES
24. Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas
This is low on the list because this is a terrible, terrible movie. Honestly, I have reservations about this even being on the list. However, it is hilarious in how stupid it is at times. Also, the REAL story of Santa Claus is probably the best thing in the film. Again, because it is bats*** insane.
Kirk Cameron spends the movie explaining to his strawman brother in law, how EVERYTHING in Christmas, from the Christmas tree to Christmas presents to even Nutcrackers all celebrate the birth of Jesus.
Because Kirk Cameron is writing both sides of the argument, obviously his argument blows away the counter arguments of his brother in law, which a simple, “Bulls**t” would have countered.
Kirk Cameron glosses over all the arguments of current Christmas traditions borrowing heavily from pagan traditions by saying “God created the universe so who borrowed from who?” He argues that the Christmas tree is actually a stand in for the tree from the Garden of Eden, and that the ornaments are actually us trying to put the fruit back on the tree.
Also the fruit is Jesus.
Adam returned the fruit Eve stole from the tree by his descendent many generations later getting crucified on a tree. All good.
Oh and Nutcrackers are representative of Herod’s Soldiers trying to hunt down and kill Jesus.
Which. . . wait, does that mean that the John Turturro is actually Jesus?
That’s the dance of a man who know’s he’s right.
The biggest just face-palming slap is when Kirk Cameron hand-waves the materialism of Christmas. He states that because this is a holiday centered around God taking a “Material form” that it is okay to celebrate with “Material things.”
Kirk Cameron wisely put that one at the end of his movie. Otherwise there would have been a lot quicker “I’m out.”
Honestly, if you watch nothing else from this movie, watch the gritty realistic retelling of St. Nicholaus. It is AMAZING!
Kirk Cameron tells the origin story of St. Nicholas, the actual Saint. He is decked out in robes and a cane like a damn wizard. Gets summoned by a young woman stating that “he” is in the Tavern.
St. Nicholas goes to the Tavern and finds a guy stating that Jesus was not God. St. Nicholas quotes John 1:1 in a pretty bad ass fashion. Admittedly no Ezekiel 25:17, but twil serve.
Then St. Nicholas lays a biblical smackdown on the non-believer.
Truly an epic scene.
Then St. Nicholas goes back to his home and everyone breaks character. The young woman says “Look who it is! Better? Get that out of your system? Good, we got work to do!” And then St. Nicholas, still in the creepy “I just mercilessly beat a man” voice says, “Come on, Let’s go Bless some kids tonight, we’ve got Gifts to give!”
Holy Christ on a Cracker, dude! You need some cool down time between Beating dudes and “blessing children.” Makes us ask some questions.
After that, Kirk Cameron’s brother in law admits to being a Grinch and then goes back into the party, now seeing all the wonder and symbolism that he didn’t see before. And then the movie decides to pad its run time with a poorly choreographed dance number, then more Kirk Cameron monologue, then a gag reel, then a freestyle rap.
I honestly zoned out for 10 minutes and wondered why the movie was still playing after the credits started.
It’s available on Amazon Prime, check it out. Might want to get drunk, though, and see it with a group. DON’T GO IN ALONE!
Next Time: 5 Santas walk into a Casino. . .